Did you see the game last night?

Remember the movie “Wildcats” with Goldie Hawn?  I thought of the cheerleaders from the movie when I was watching the game last night:  “U! G! L! Y! you ain’t got no alibi, you ugly!”

Don’t shoot the messenger.  When you have a game as ugly as last night’s you’re going to get an ugly blog the next morning.

The telecast was awful, even by Simpleton Summer Camp standards.  The in game play was awful.  The managing was awful.  The results of some pretty bad general managing were on display as well.

As the pre-game was wrapping up Simpleton Summer Camp shill, Meredith Marakovits asked Marlins’ head honcho Derek Jeter about his new role in the front office.  Jeter responded that he’s “part of a team” just like when he was a player.

To review Jeter’s “team” mentality:

2004, Yankees:  “Hey Derek, we just acquired a shortstop who’s WAAAAYY better than you are.  Would you mind playing 2B or 3B?”  (Jeter: Icy blank stare.)  No?  OK, he’ll play 3^rd base.  But he is one of the best players of all time and him being successful in NY is vital to our team’s success.  Do you think you can avoid acting like a scorned teenager around him to avoid both clubhouse tension and soap opera like distractions from the media?”  (Jeter: Icy blank stare).

2014: Yankees: “Hey Derek, you’re not the player you used to be – actually, you’re one of the worst offensive players in baseball.  Would you mind dropping down in the lineup so we can get someone who can hit in the numbers 1 and/or 2 spot in the lineup?”  Jeter: (Icy blank stare.)

You know what they say:  There is no “I” in team, but there is a “me”.

Moving on to Simpleton Summer Camp’s pitching scouting report, Al Leiter – who never misses an opportunity to display how far being able to throw a ball over 90 mph left handed will get you in life – said about Yankee starter Lance Lynn: “When he pounds the zone, he throws a lot of strikes.”

(Scratches head.)  Speaking of Lance Lynn…

It was obvious in July that Lynn couldn’t provide the Yankees anything that Luis Cessa, Chance Adams, Justus Sheffield (or Adam Warren) could.  The difference is the Yankees didn’t need to give up Tyler Austin to get any of them.  To review:

Over his last 454 plate appearances, Greg Bird has a below league average OBP and SLG and is sporting an 84 OPS+…as a 1^st baseman.  In 302 big league plate appearances, Austin has a plus SLG and OPS+.

Do I know that Austin is better than Bird?  Of course not.  Do I think getting a return of Lance Lynn for Austin (and then essentially giving Warren away) was worth it?  Ha!  Good one.  Again, Lynn isn’t going to do anything that guys who were already on your roster can do and we’re watching Bird provide a negative WAR (literally) without many other options.

Speaking of Adam Warren’s value, someone needs to check Aaron Boone’s phone.  I’m pretty sure he was getting messages from Joe Girardi about bullpen management last night.

The Yankees took the field in the bottom of the 6^th with a 2-0 lead, then Lance Lynn promptly turned into…Lance Lynn.  When to remove Lynn could be debated I guess, but even after the damage he allowed, it was 4-2 Marlins and Aaron Boone decided the guys to keep the Yankees in the game were… Tommy Kahnle and Chance Adams…?  (Paging Chad Green, paging Zack Britton…)

And because I don’t want Greg Bird to feel picked on (Meredith Marakovits told us he “really wants to succeed at this level”- OMFG…) regarding his negative WAR, let’s talk Austin Romine.

Reminder:  This is Romine’s 7^th big league season.  The previous six he’s had a negative WAR.  He is the only player in the history of baseball to have six straight I’m worse than a minor leaguer seasons.

But in May, after about 60 whole plate appearances, Yankee fans and media couldn’t stop singing his praises.  My favorite was when the intelligencia at Simpleton Summer Camp would quote his batting average with “RISP”.  (Side note:  I’ll get into it another time, but batting average is a dumb stat.  Batting average with RISP is nonsensical.)  Then in June, more or less around the time he started to play regularly, Austin Romine reverted to being…(wait for it)…Austin Romine.

Since June 6^th, in 151 plate appearances, Romine has a .233 OBP, .340 SLG.

Prior to June 6^th, Romine’s batting average on balls in play was .419.  Since, it’s .245.  Well, I never played in the big leagues so I wouldn’t want to question all the ex-jocks who told us Romine made adjustments and learned to go the other way.  But (just spit balling here…) maybe prior to June he was just getting lucky?  Call me crazy…

I understand Gary Sanchez’ injury was unexpected.  But 7 years is enough time to find a backup catcher, no?

On to Baltimore.