Hi Carlos. Here’s your answer.

“What are they going to say now?” – Carlos Correa

The “they” to whom Carlos refers is presumably everyone on the planet who has, or had, an issue with the Houston Astros cheating in 2017. Departures from what’s considered normative behavior that contributed to the team winning the 2017 World Series and individual players winning awards.

It’s important to note, that “cheating” is the correct description, not “alleged cheating”. Everyone knows they cheated. We know it. They know it.

And not only did the Astros and our dear Carlos cheat, they clearly benefitted from their cheating ways. It wasn’t a “no harm, no foul” situation. Both the team as a whole, and Carlos individually were beneficiaries of the plan – even though middle management were the only ones to lose anything as a result.

So Carlos, if you’re wondering what “they” are going to say, I can’t speak for “they”, but I’ll tell you what I’ll say – and I’d bet a large sum of money I speak for many in the crowd of “they”.

Your team cheated, and the World Series it “won” by the width of the band aid that held Altuve’s buzzer in place will always be tainted. This isn’t the NFL where the PR machine has a 4th degree black belt in whitewashing teams’ and players’ transgressions to keep the positive vibes rolling. This is MLB, who goes further out of its way to sh!t on its own product than any successful business in memory. So unlike the Patriots’ titles that were also acquired with the help of cheating, folks are going to actually remember how your 2017 (coughs) title (coughs) was acquired and won’t give it credence. It’s like a dog barking in the neighborhood – you hear it, but only after a few minutes and then you immediately disregard it. Everybody else’s trophy is on the mantle – yours is the fire hydrant the dog uses.

You cheated and benefitted personally from it. In 2017 your OPS+ was 155 which was the best among shortstops by a mile and 8th in MLB overall. In 2020 your OPS+ was 92 which was 68th out of 86 MLB players with at least 220 PA, and 10th out of 15 shortstops.

Rest assured, you’re the only person who will ever know what it’s like to go from peak Cal Ripken to Jordy Mercer. Well done.

Somewhat tangentially, the only coconspirator of yours with a bigger drop-off in OPS+ when comparing ’17 to ’20 was your imp double play partner, whose MVP trophy – which was a gift even prior to current knowledge – becomes more fraudulent and worthless with each passing day.

Oh, and with regards to your proclamation “…we won a series on the road…”

Your team, which was on pace to win 78 games over a 162 season, and is still under .500 in 2020, won two games against a team who had lost 16 playoff games in a row. And you did it in front of an empty stadium.

Damn. Even by 2020 standards, that is a pretty low bar to set for sh!t talking. I’m thinking embarrassment is more appropriate here, but what do I know.

Not to be outdone, your team’s PR department, reminding us that it’s not just a few bad apples, the entire organization is a cesspool with about as much self-awareness as you, posted to us crazies who are actually in favor of fair play:

“Stay mad.”

I think I speak for most people when I say we’re not mad. I think you overrate how much we care about you. That said, if we were mad, we can always shed our anger.

You’re cheating skank waste, and the residue of such will never be shed. Enjoy.

Did I miss something? Let me know.

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